Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Breaking the Cycle of Suffering


Overcoming the hold of the past is essential to moving forward into a present of happiness and fulfillment. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend of mine, and we were talking about how absolutely necessary it is to not take anything anyone ever says to us personally. She commented that while this may be true, it’s a lot easier said than done. And it’s another thing altogether, she said, when someone does something terrible or unspeakable to us.

Taking things personally keeps us locked in a cycle of misery and suffering. If someone has said something negative to us, or done something negative to us, we tend to keep that memory alive and well, allowing it to infer with our present day happiness. We need to recognize the past’s influence on our life and learn to let go of the pain.

If something has happened in the past we cannot change it. Wishing it was something other than what it was, causes continual suffering. Happiness requires letting things go. This is not about justifying someone’s terrible or unspeakable actions, nor is it necessarily about forgiveness. What we need to appreciate is that blame, hatred, guilt, shame, or anger, are all powerful emotions that require considerable effort to maintain them.

Think about that for a moment. If you were suddenly afflicted with amnesia and woke up unable to remember anything at all about the past ... how much more energy would you have to engage in the things you want to do? How much easier would it be to become the person you’ve always wanted to be and have the life you’ve always wanted to have? You would still be the same person—physically nothing would have changed—but you would have lost the albatross of the past from around your neck.

The essential thing to realize is that we are not our pasts. And we do not need them to exist. Our memories, good or bad, if erased would not stop us from living and being. It would just be different, a clean slate so to speak, to start again.

When things are said to us, or happen to us, we tend to lock a little bit of that experience away deep inside where it gets trapped in our tissues and in our cells causing dis-ease. It affects us because we take it personally. We own that misfortune, we own that pain. We believe the negative things we are told; we are trampled by the horrible things people say about us; we are crushed by the terrible things people do to us. These things didn’t happen to someone else ... they happened to us. Why? Did we deserve them? Were we weak? Were we stupid, fat, ugly, pathetic, clumsy, bossy, mouthy, or childish? The labels people use to describe us, or the reasons people give for mistreating us are just that—someone else’s labels, reasons, opinion, and judgments.

What makes their judgments, their opinions the right ones? Why should we believe what they said about us? Why should we take to heart what they did, and why they did it? Who are they to tell us who we are and what we deserve? They are ghosts from the past. They are phantoms haunting our present, robbing our happiness, stealing our chances at a bright, glorious future.

Don’t let them hold you back a moment longer. Take away their power. Let go of the past. Give yourself a clean slate by making the powerful choice to leave the past behind once and for all. Don’t merely survive, thrive!

In gratitude,
Marissa

13 comments:

  1. Let's face it, we are a product of our upbringing, our habits, our manners, our parents, peers, and sibling influence on us. Not to mention that we are also a product of our education, church attendance, study habits and a host of other stimuli from our "past".

    Thus letting go of the past is sometimes harder said than done!!

    One area I have found that allows me to let go is surrender. This powerful spiritual force has allowed this lost, sometimes angry, sometimes upset, hurt, and reflective soul to finally put the past behind me. I don't want to forget the past, but I don't wish to completely live in it either. By surrendering the past to a higher power, by surrendering my will and life to whatever that may be: the Universe? God? The All Knowing One? Whomever that may be allows me to let go much easier.

    I call it "Surrender to Win".

    It helps to discuss things with people as well, and someone I will not take offence with. If I wish to dredge up the past, this person must be willing and able to say, "Lon, that is in the past, let it go. Move on." and I must take that advice without holding it against them. Discussion, Surrender, and Helping others. That is the last and some would say most important area I have to work on.

    When I am helping others, when I am giving generously, and unselfishly of myself, and passionately exploring creative ways to help other people, than I cannot be focused on the past as much. I cannot rationalise with the old stand-by: "You don't know what this person did....They did__________(fill in the blank)" I can't be focused on the past when I am firmly grounded in the present trying to be kind, trying to help others, and being a difference in people's lives.

    I can be grateful for today's challenges, I can be grateful for the opportunity to change. I can surrender to win. I can discuss what ails me. And I can give and be kind, and focus on helping others instead of what I have stewing in my head.

    I followed You Blog (above) and I ReTweeted this Link. I will send some people by to stop in and say hello.

    Lonny Dunn Tweets at @ProNetworkBuild

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Lonny! In our book we call "Surrendering to Win" Detachment. It is the process of letting go and letting God, or the Universe, or your Soul. And your focus on helping others is an awesome way to enjoy the present moment ... and you are very generous with your help! I am grateful for your support! :)
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  2. Beautifully said. Life is too short to take things personally, and it's too short to let our past control our present. We have conscious will, and when we use it to be aware of how we are shaped by our past, we have the power to mold ourselves in the present. Thank you for your post.

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    1. Thank you for the wonderful comment Piper! It's like the old saying ... the thoughts we had yesterday become our today, but the thoughts we have today make our tomorrow! When we use our conscious will to think happy, wonderful, loving thoughts,and let the past go, we will have an awesome tomorrow and the next day, and the next! :)
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  3. It's important to learn from our past, so amnesia is certainly not the answer. Even painful incidents in the past shape who I am now. But I never knew at the time how having these painful, humbling experiences would make me a better person, able to relate more easily to others who didn't have smooth sailing in their own lives. We each occupy a bubble, and rarely get the chance to see what it's like from the other side.

    That said, it's important also to understand that what someone else says about you, or about Life, isn't necessarily reality. That's a discovery you have to make on your own.

    Thanks for the opportunity to share!

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    1. Thank you so much for your post Kathy! Amnesia is certainly not the answer. We can't forget our past, they do indeed make us who we are. I for one would not have been able to write my book, if I had not gone through what I did to get to this point in my life. But I have let go of holding onto things from my past that interfere with my ability to enjoy my life in the present. Like Piper said above, life is too short and I want to enjoy every last wondrous moment! :)
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  4. that @pronetworkbuild sure is a long winded one, aint he? jeesh.

    i let go once. and watched the bucket splash into the bottom of the well. that's when i was on a farm, as a lil guy. you see i wuz adopted by a wild band of roving gypsy hippy black footed ferrets who taught me the Way of the Great Pop Tart...

    they sent me to live wif my Uncle Freddie, and he's still pissed i let go o' dat rope. i'm not. i let go. he is. he should let it go!!

    i tweet at @Samuel_Clemons

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    1. You're right Samuel, Uncle Freddie needs to let go. But that is not your responsibility. We cannot change other people, only ourselves! Letting go of the rope was the right thing for you!
      Give my love to the roving gypsy hippy black footed ferrets. They taught you well. :)
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  5. Marissa, thank you for this important reminder. While I know that my past pain is what shaped me into the person I am today, I often have to quiet the voices that tell me I am not enough. Samuel_Clemons guided me here, as he often guides me in life. Much love and light. - Hyla www.hylamolander.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Hyla.I popped over and looked at your blog. I am humbled by your strength and courage!
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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    2. Thank you. I do believe that we must each make our own meaning in life.

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  6. My happiest moment, wandering in the woods with friends, create adventure. In my entire adult life, my treatment and the most inspiring moment came to take long lonely walk on the beach.

    fulfilment

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  7. Thanks for your comment Chief, it's the quality not the quantity in LIFE that leads to happiness and fulfillment!
    In gratitude,
    Marissa

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