In our book LIFE: Living in Fulfillment Every Day, Grace encourages Eve to embrace the main goal, the big plan ... and that is to always follow what feels good! Embrace your passions; enflame your desires; do the things you enjoy, the things that invigorate you, that make you come alive!
And while we don’t speak about this directly in the book, sex could be one of the things that you might want to experience more of on this wondrous physical journey. As women, sex is a multifaceted quandary. When we are young, we may be bursting with sexual curiosity, but in expressing that part of ourselves we may find society, namely our peer group, inflicting derogatory labels on us. Or we may embrace the opposite philosophy and practice abstinence and still experience social pressure to change. When we are older, perhaps in a committed relationship, we might get caught up in our careers or parenting and sex is relegated to the ‘to do list.’ Or, our body image might dampen our fervour.
A friend of mine is very self critical about herself and her body. She is married to a wonderful guy who absolutely adores her, and accepts her for who she is ... but she will not accept herself. And because she erects a concrete wall of self-consciousness between them, their sex life has dwindled, in fact it is teetering on life support. She desperately craves intimacy, but she resists having sex, because she doesn’t like her body and feels self-conscious in bed with her husband. He doesn’t understand her torment, he tries to reassure her, but she can’t get past her negative beliefs.
Our ego with its negative self talk can ruin a perfectly good evening—or morning depending on your preferences. It’s hard to get ‘into the mood’ when our mood is wallowing in self inflicted cruelty and torment. There have been a lot of comments about a recent Plus Model Magazine article that showcased a plus sized model who looked luscious and vibrant, embracing a runway model. The article asks society to re-examine their views on what is beautiful.
Beauty comes from the inside. If you are a kind, loving, joyful soul, that beauty shines through and people naturally want to be around you. We all come in different shapes and sizes, like we say in the book, we are all a magnificent collection of unique and colourful containers but inside we are filled with the same essence ... a loving, beautiful soul. It is often hard appreciate that when society focuses on the container rather than the substance.
If my friend left her ego at the door, and invited her soul into the bedroom instead, I suspect she would have a very different experience—one grounded in mutual respect, adoration, and love. I suspect, she would rather enjoy herself and the time spent with her husband because her head wouldn’t be there sabotaging everything she truly wanted—a beautiful, honest, intimate connection with her partner.
Whether we doubt ourselves because of what society might think, or because of the limitations we impose on ourselves due to our negative criticism, it is critical to honour what feels good to us! When we are growing up, we are trying to navigate a world that revolves around the ego. In other words, we are very concerned with what image we present to the world around us— to the people around us. Should we be wild and adventurous, or conservative and practical? Our decisions determine how we present ourselves on a daily basis. And we present these images, these ‘holograms’ of ourselves to fit in, to be accepted. But at some point in our lives we want to take the bold step and turn off the hologram; embrace who we really are and what we really want, irrespective of other people’s opinions, judgments and expectations!
This is the path to fulfillment—to truly finding a life of happiness and delight. Let go of the need to ‘fit in,’ to ‘be perfect,’ to ‘be who everyone else wants you to be,’ and simply be yourself!
Try a little experiment. Next time you are feeling a little frisky and the mind tries to interject its opinions. Kindly, but firmly tell it to butt out. Leave the ego outside that bedroom door, with all its negativity and doubts. Imagine for a moment, that you are born anew, without any expectations, or judgments. Embrace a new mindset. Just for one night, see yourself for who you really are— a lusciously yummy beautiful sexy, wondrous and passionate woman.
Then, see if you can embrace that idea of yourself from this moment on!