Weekly Wisdom for LIFE: The Ripple Effect

“Imagine life as a locomotive travelling at the speed of light. It is propelled forward by the consequences of everything that has come before. Everything has already been set in motion by all the events of the past. Then you, at the moment of your birth, decide to catch that train at that particular moment in time and space.”

Grace studied Eve closely. “You have been altering the world around you since your conception. And the lessons you must learn on this journey are based on the consequences of that interaction. We’ve already discussed the idea that our past experiences alter our view of the present. Do you remember when I spoke about the ego, with its sunglasses and filters?”

“Yes, you mentioned the ego distorts or discolours our reality, or the way we perceive things.” Eve responded.

“Exactly. All the things we have seen, heard, smelled, tasted and felt have left an indelible impression on the ego and therefore affect how we perceive the world.

“Basically, we take all our scholarly learning and all our behavioural learning—those tribal beliefs we garnered from interacting with our parents, friends, teachers, etc.—and we create a stew of opinions, biases, judgements and expectations of the world and people around us. We then think, speak and act under that strong influence. The lessons we must learn in life are based on the decisions we make while eating that stew  … with our sunglasses on!”

Eve stared at Grace for a moment. “Okay, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You’re telling me that everything that has ever happened is a result of consequences in one form or another.”

“That’s right.”

“And that everything I’ve ever done has also created consequences, like throwing a rock into a pond creates a ripple effect.”

“Absolutely! And you never know what effect those ripples will have.”

“Okay, I see that. But you’re also telling me that the ego creates these ripples, these consequences. Why is that so important?”

“Well, if you are making decisions and acting from the ego, which is only interested in itself and keeps you separate and suffering by filling you with judgements and biases, can you imagine what the consequences, the effects, of that type of behaviour will have on the world? Not to mention the effects of that influence on you? Then imagine a different type of ripple, the kind that comes from acting from compassion, love and peace. The effects of that type of vibration or action will send a very different signal out into the world, thereby attracting love, peace and compassion back in your direction.

“There is a wonderful sentiment: If you were to consider every thought you have—of which you have tens of thousands a day, by the way—as an act of prayer, and that each prayer was always answered … whether good or bad, would you reconsider what you thought about? If you can grasp the significance of that concept, it will give you an indication of how our thoughts, words and actions affect us and those around us.”

Discern what you want out of LIFE and embrace it!

Without dark you would not recognize light. Without sorrow you would not celebrate joy. Without hatred you would not cherish love and without struggle you would not appreciate peace.

I remember as a young girl crying to my mother that I would never fall in love. I would meet a guy and within a very short period of time I would discover the ‘fatal flaw.’ That is the term I use for the thing that drives you crazy and you can’t see past the behaviour, or trait, and the relationship ends. It could be something as simple as the way they say the word ‘can’t,’ to the way they chew their food, or it could be more complicated like how they treat your friend’s children, or the way they act when they get stressed. Whatever the flaw is ... it is fatal and you can’t get away from them fast enough.

I like to think of this as a selective process of elimination. You are weeding out the guys you don’t want to discover the guy you do want. Think of the power of attraction, the secret, manifesting your dreams ... uncovering what you don’t want in life allows you to discern what exactly it is that you do want so you can focus and draw it toward you. Say you want a guy who is great with kids, chews with his mouth closed, has a soft Australian accent, and practices yoga when he gets stressed. How would you determine this is the ideal guy for you if you hadn’t put the image through a thorough process of elimination?

This works the same for all aspects of our lives. When I was growing up, there were a few people who knew what they wanted. They knew with each fibre of their being that they wanted to be lawyers or veterinarians, or global peace makers. I believe they went through the same process of elimination, but came to their conclusions faster than others. For me, that process took decades. I finally reached the epiphany that I wanted to be a yoga teacher and writer by trying everything else. I took university courses, college courses; I jumped from job to job, all in an effort to discover what I was meant to do. I ended up with a very long list of what I didn’t want to do with the rest of my life, but that list helped me focus and recognize what my true desires were.

The next logical step of course is accepting what you want to do and doing it. This is a hard one for most people. I speak a lot about the word ‘but.’ This little word gets in the way of so many of our dreams and desires. Essentially we talk ourselves out of it. “I know you want to be a writer, but you need to get paid; we have to eat after all.” “Being a writer sounds great, but who’s going to read your work?” “I know you want to, but seriously, what if your writing sucks?”

I love the ego. It will tell us exactly what we need to hear to stop us dead in our tracks toward fulfilling our inner most desires for happiness. Why does it do that? Because it is the ego! It doesn’t want you running around following your whims. It has a real job, and social status, and operates on the expectations of others ... and it has spent years, in fact all of your life, developing itself. It doesn’t need some desire or dream to throw all its hard work into confusion and chaos. So it distracts you, pulls you away from your ‘misguided thinking,’ and helps you get back to what you were doing before. It pulls you back into pain, unhappiness, and struggle.

The ego can be used for good, if we recognize that whenever we are unhappy or in pain, or struggling, it is providing us with a vision of what we don’t want. And that little bit of awareness can help us perceive what it is we do want. Without unhappiness we would not treasure fulfillment. When you are struggling, or unfulfilled, search your heart for what you really want, and then take any and all steps, even baby steps toward that desire. Being happy is our birthright. Find what you want out of life, and embrace it!

Now, anyone know where I can find an Australian Yogi who chews with his mouth closed? :)


In gratitude,
Marissa

What's stopping you from living your dreams? No excuses in 2012!!!

‘But’ an innocuous word. Three letters, simple and small, yet can cause so much suffering!

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and he was telling me of his dream to fly. Ever since he was a young lad, he said, he had wanted to fly. He spent hours playing his flight simulator with dreams of one day holding the controls to the real thing.

“But,” he said, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” I had asked.

“Because I’m too old now. No one would ever hire me.”

“Why can’t you just learn to fly for the fun of it, the joy of it, for the culmination of a lifetime dream?”

He had sighed and changed the topic, letting the dream fall from his grasp and fade into the mists of perpetual disappointment.

For quite some time, one of my yoga students has been struggling with illness, and in an effort to regain some control of her life, felt she needed to organize her house: to physically get rid of things that were making her feel trapped and engulfed—much like her daily pain. ‘But,’ she would say, there is so much to do. I don’t know where to start. Then she would sigh, let the instinct to purge and cleanse slip through her fingers and continue with the weight of her world heavy on her shoulders.

In my meditation class, I often tell my students: ‘But’ is a sneaky little word, and one we need to watch out for. When we have a desire or something that impassions or enflames us with excitement or a burst of energy, watch out for the haunting spectre of ‘but’ hovering around, with its veiled miasma of negativity. ‘But’ is an often unconscious, yet powerful indicator of our tendency to thwart ourselves, and it is essential we recognize its siren call.

Our soul or true nature naturally wants to indulge in things that make us happy, that fill us with life. Our Ego, or ‘perceived identity’ wants to maintain the status, or identity or world we have created for ourselves.

Let me explain. In the example of my friend, his Ego or perceived identity revolves around his projecting a life of seriousness, one of a driven businessman who does not give into whims of fancy—like learning how to fly a plane. That does not fit into his ‘ideas’ or ‘beliefs’ about himself—or more to the point—the ‘ideas’ or ‘beliefs’ OTHER people have of who he is. They might laugh at him, or mock his childish dreams. “Old men don’t learn how to fly planes,” they might say, or “Why waste good money on something that has no reward—no purpose, you would be best to invest it in growing your business.”

Instinctively we know what makes us happy, what will make us feel good. We know that when we embrace a passion or desire, we are filled with energy and have a zest for life. ‘But,’ stops us dead in our tracks and leaves us with feelings of disillusionment and disappointment—in other words we are unhappy when we stop ourselves from following our instincts, our dreams, passions and desires.

A caveat here as always: feeding our desires and passions are wonderful catalysts for feeling good—for enjoying fully this wonderful life experience; however, in obtaining or seeking them, they can never hurt someone else—physically, mentally, emotionally, financially or spiritually. We are not here to fulfill our desires at the expense of others. We are all here to experience a life of happiness and fulfillment!

My yoga student, instinctively knows what will make her feel better ‘but’ she stops herself. I’m sure we can all think of instances where we have done the exact same thing—eating that piece of pie, skipped the trip to the gym, gone out when we were exhausted ‘but’ felt sorry for our friend—the list is virtually endless. So why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Choice. Simply, we chose to ignore the urgings of our soul or our instincts, and we continue doing what we have always done—we continue to be the person we have spent years creating, the person others EXPECT us to be, and often when we ignore those desires, those gentle urgings, we become unhappy.

Like we say in our book LIFE, and in this week’s Weekly Wisdom for LIFE: it all comes down to a choice. Do you want to be happy or unhappy?

Looking forward to 2012—make a choice to choose happiness this year! Don’t make excuses to live your dreams. Follow your heart and soul. Step out of your comfort zone; find your authenticity; be the person you want to be, and live the life you’ve always wanted. Choose happiness from this moment on and embrace your fullest potential. 

Wishing you a magical 2012 full of happiness, health, and abundance!

In gratitude,

Marissa

Weekly Wisdom for LIFE: Happiness or Unhappiness—What are you creating?

“What if you took a nap or read for the sheer pleasure of it?” 

Grace had posed the question so flippantly, Eve had to stop and carefully study her passive expression. She knitted her brows together in consternation. “Even if I could take a nap during the day, why would I?”

“There are some things we do by sheer survival instinct, a deep, inner knowing that keeps us safe from danger, like not touching a hot stove. Other things we feel guided to do by our intuition, like when we decide to finally make that phone call, which results in a new job or new relationship. But most of the things we do, Eve, are because we unconsciously feel compelled or obliged to do them. They have nothing at all to do with instinct or listening to our gut.

“We feel compelled to act a certain way or say certain things because of our belief patterns and habitual ways of responding or thinking about life. You feel you need to earn money or work toward a career rather than just taking some time to rest or read for pleasure for you. You would feel as though your time was being wasted or used frivolously. Don’t you think there are people out there who do just that, who enjoy finding some quiet time during the day all to themselves? Perhaps they just putter around their house or in their garden. Or perhaps they work on some art project or hobby. What makes it okay for them and not you?” She raised her eyebrow, giving Eve a questioning look.

“Perhaps they already have great jobs or are retired and have lots of time on their hands?” Eve quipped.

Grace shook her head. “No, it’s all about perception—each person’s belief, or view, about any given situation determines their thoughts and actions,” she stated simply. “It’s your belief that taking time for yourself is wasteful and unproductive; and that makes something as innocent as taking a nap unacceptable in your mind.

“For others, their belief justifies those actions; it’s okay to take naps. I want you to realize that what you believe creates your comfort or discomfort and, in the end, your happiness or unhappiness."

Learn How to Deflate a Negativity Tornado

In one of the recent Weekly Wisdoms for LIFE, I highlighted an excerpt from the book about Detachment, or the art of letting go. Today in this post, I want to help you understand how it applies to your LIFE.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about divorce. She went through a horrendous process, in fact is still knee deep in the trench of marital dismemberment, and she is consumed by hatred, vengeance, bitter pettiness and maliciousness. She is not interested in pulling herself out of the trenches; she has built her identity around being a victim and is lashing out with every ounce of energy she has. Sitting down with her was like eating lunch with a negative tornado.

Then, I reflect on another friend of mine, one of my yoga students, who is the epitome of grace under pressure. He has been fighting a gruelling divorce for several years now and despite the mental, physical, financial and emotional stress this process has placed on him, he refuses to give into the dark side. He makes every effort to rise above the pettiness and bitterness, and approaches the challenge with humility and humour. He is a beautiful spirit.

So I ask you as the reader, what is the difference between these two people? Both have had horrible circumstances thrust into their lives, both have mired in the depths of divorce—and both divorces were and still are equally as difficult—yet their outlooks are completely different.

The difference is that my yoga student learned long ago that he didn’t want to carry the negative albatross around his neck anymore and made a choice to leave the negativity behind. He chose to let it go; he chose detachment. Which, as I mentioned in the previous post, is not a nonchalant, or cold hearted attitude, it is a conscious decision to rise above negative feelings, thoughts and actions. It is a higher perspective, one of wisdom, where we realize that holding onto negativity robs us of our energy, causes dis-ease in the body, mind, and spirit and doesn’t feel good!

In any given situation, if we make the choice to let the negativity go, we reinvigorate our energy, we release stress, which helps our body, mind, and spirit heal, and we feel better, much better!

It may seem difficult to fathom, when we are knee deep in the mire of negativity, that pulling ourselves out of it hinges on a choice, a simple choice to leave it all behind. But what do you have to lose by trying? Just an albatross and a lot of negative baggage.

Let it all go, and live the LIFE you’ve always wanted.

In gratitude,

Marissa  

Are you honouring yourself this Christmas? Quality vs Quantity.

It’s that time of year again. The crunch, the credit, the ka’ching of the register, the stress, the bustle, the cold, the weary, the depression: Christmas.

It can mean so many different things to so many different people, but deep inside many of us just want it to mean loved ones, time spent together, laughter, joy and peace—quality not quantity. So where did we all jump track into the craziness that is now a commercial, superfluous holiday?

It doesn’t matter how we got here, or why; what does matter is honouring what we really want deep down inside, and finding ways to articulate that to others.

So much of our lives are spent saying the words ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’. In our book LIFE, we have a trick to try and help our readers become aware of this knee jerk reaction, this unconscious crux. We call it the SOS alert – the ‘should or shouldn’t’ alert. Whenever we say the words should or shouldn’t we need to stop and pay attention. Usually a ‘should’ or a ‘shouldn’t’ in both our internal or external dialogue means we are not thinking for ourselves; it means we are being influenced by the expectations, judgments and opinions of others. For example, say you would like to buy everyone a share in a well in a third world country. But you stop yourself and say, I ‘shouldn’t’ do that, my mother-in-law, or brother or______ (you insert the name), would not appreciate that. They are all expecting gifts, so you cave and buy the gifts: which leaves you with a hollow feeling in your gut—a reluctance, a sadness. You have allowed yourself to be swept up in other people’s expectations, rather than listening to your own wants and desires. 

The key thing to notice is ... does it feel good? How you feel about a decision, a choice, an action or a thought is a big indicator of whether or not you are following what will ultimately make you happy versus, what you ‘believe’ you ‘should’ do to make everyone else happy.

We are here to live in happiness and fulfillment every day. If you want to give big, extravagant gifts for the holiday season, wonderful, but make sure you are giving for the right reasons. Ask yourself, do I feel pressured to give these particular gifts, do I feel as though everyone expects me to cook the big turkey dinner, am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or is there a spectre of expectation? If you cannot afford it, if there is stress created because of it … stop, reconsider what you are doing, and try to find a way to honour how you feel, and what you feel is right. Those who get the beautiful card telling them that the money normally spent on their gifts, just bought a village a goat, or helped to save the rainforest, or protect the polar bears, may not leap up with big whoops of glee, but inside you will feel the good that comes from being authentic and honouring yourself.

Merry Christmas!

In gratitude,

Marissa Campbell and Annemarie Greenwood

Authors of LIFE: Living in Fulfillment Every Day

The Art of Letting Go, Learning Detachment. Weekly Wisdom for LIFE

Detachment is the art of letting go. When people think of detachment, they think of being insensitive, cold or emotionally void—a kind of numb, nonchalant, indifferent attitude, where we walk around and interact with people projecting an image of being aloof and uncaring. That is not the detachment I want you to embrace, Eve. Detachment comes when we stop fighting the flow of life—when we no longer react to everything that gets thrown our way but accept it and move on.

‘It is what it is’ is a valuable statement to embrace, in that it always is just what it is. The problem is not that life is the way it is and that things constantly happen and inevitably change; the problem lies in the quandary that we have a particularly troublesome habit of pinning the labels good or bad to life. Without that label or categorization of things, events and circumstances, things are just things, events are just events, and circumstances are just circumstances. We may not want to dwell on them or experience them for long, but if we remove the label of good or bad, they are really just what they are, another set of lessons and experiences.

Don’t get caught up in the label game. Move toward feeling better if you are not happy. Do your best to create actions that will lead you toward fulfillment. Change your attitude and your behaviours by following what feels good, and release the counterproductive impulse to label everything.